Obsessive Love

There is an art to loving someone or being in a relationship. Some of us acclimate to relationships as easy as breathing while the rest of us have to work a little harder to get the right amount of harmony going.

Loving someone is never easy because different people like to be loved in different manners. Some love “the more we are together” approach, while others need lots of space to let their feelings ruminate and take flight. Then there are those who don’t really know how they feel but they just enjoy spending time with their significant others.

Within everyone of these scenarios is a fine line between love and hate. Love is like sand, if we squeeze too tight the person begins to suffocate and wants to escape our tight grip. If we push our agendas too hard we may frighten off a potentially satisfying relationship.

So how do we love? I don’t believe there is any wrong or right way to love anyone. What I do know from experience is to put your best foot forward, speak your mind and let the chips fall where they may. If there are real feelings and emotions, eventually they will take root and blossom into something meaningful. If not, it was just experience.

One thing I do know from my own mistakes, is, when you care or love someone, you just have to trust the process with some common sense. In my earlier years, I wasted my energies trying to figure out if my love interests were cheating on me. What I did not realize, was that I was answering my own question by having unsettling feelings. The mere fact I had doubts, spoke volumes about the unsuitability of the relationship.

If you are in a relationship and you have to doubt the person for a second, to the point it becomes an obsession, then you need to take a deep breath and step away from the relationship. Clearly, that is not a healthy relationship for anyone to be in. You have to ask yourself the question, “What is it about that person that makes you feel insecure and suspicious all the time?”

It could be you are trying to work out issues from your childhood or inadequate feelings that may have been stirred up from within.

Once you are able to find an answer to the question, then common sense will dictate if you should proceed or not. Some of us have the good sense to take heed to our crazy, irrational behavior, while others end up running a muck in life and they never really get the lesson of loving.

We cannot gauge another’s love by how we love. Everyone loves differently, and will show their affections in different ways. Where we as women, may go to the ends of the earth because we love someone. It doesn’t necessarily mean they feel the same way. They may do other things to prove their love, and to us, it may seem insignificant, but to them, it may have been the biggest effort attempted in life.

Life has taught me, we have to love people where they are at emotionally. We will meet people who love passionately and without boundaries, or we will meet people who are slow, cautious and methodical. Either way, everyone has experienced his or her own journey which has probably lead them to loving a certain way.

If their way of loving is too unbearable, then we may have to make the decision to walk away. But to stay in the relationship and torture the person with accusations and obsessive innuendoes, it just isn’t fair and can only result in hateful feelings.

A wise person once told me if you have suspicions about a beau, chances are your intuition is right. The sad truth is, things did not happen overnight. There are usually signs from the beginning of the relationship that we choose to ignore for our own selfish reasons.

The only time we have an “AHA!” moment is when things become unbearable and we no longer possess the patience to deal with the malarkey that is unfolding……

There is an old wive’s tale which explains love appropriately, it says, “If you love someone set them free. If they come back, then it was meant to be…”