Dating Decorum

There has been so much said about dating decorum; such as, who pays for what when out and about. I know all the savvy pundits all have their modern take, but as far as I am concerned old fashioned values and class are always in style.

For example, if a man asks a woman out on a date, it is sort of understood that he is paying, however, a decent woman may make a gesture of offering to split the bill, paying the tab for dessert or leave a tip.

A woman should rarely ask a man out, but if she dares to be different, the man should be a gentleman and take the lead. He should gladly pay the tab, because it shows interest on his part. Then, perhaps he can have her pick up the tab another time if she wants to strut her independence.

Relationships are all about give and take. A woman may stir up interest, but any decent, self respecting man would not let her chase after him. He can be grateful that she presented herself to him, but, he should never lead a woman on unnecessarily.

There are some men who seem to get their jollies from women wining and dining them without them ever considering or offering them to be a mate or partner.

There are exceptions to the “Who Pays” dating rule. If the man or woman is engaged in a long distance relationship, then the woman should make sure he wines, dines and impresses her. When a woman takes it upon herself to travel out of her demographic zone to be with a guy, she is making a bold statement.

She wants to be sure that the guy she is going all out for, appreciates and respects her. By him investing in her it shows that she is not just a transatlantic khyber call, but someone he is truly interested in and values. It all works out in the end, because if he were dating her one to two times per week, he would be spending a small fortune.

Therefore, long distance relationships become speed dating 2.0. A man has to make his intentions clear within the short time that the woman is visiting. Clearly, if he figures she is not worth the quids then he will have to make an executive decision to forego the relationship.

Women have to be very careful when in long distance relationships because you never know what the guy is doing when you are not around. Therefore you do not want to be perceived as being one of the girls in his harem, or cheap and tawdry. Let him pay every step of the way. The more a man invests in a potential girlfriend, the more valuable she becomes to him. When things go wrong he cannot say you chased him. You may have traveled a bit, but the wooing was purely done by him.

Therefore he looks like the Jacaranda who showed up at the circus if he tries to demean you in anyway.

Men usually have the upper hand in relationships because they are supposed to set the tone. Long Distance relationships require a lot of nurturing and communication. Once the relationship becomes solidified and takes on a more frequent and consistent note, then the woman may have the luxury of offering to pay for date nights occasionally.

Some guys will stew on the fact that the woman doesn’t offer, but, if they know how to communicate effectively, they can brooch the subject in a non embarrassing manner. The woman may be taken off guard and may not be prepared to rise to the occasion at that point in time, but I am sure the next time she will be more than willing to chip in or pick up the tab.

When money becomes an issue in the beginning of the relationship it really casts a bad light on the individual who is being persnickety. If everything is going craic’s ninety and either party decides to put a spanner in the works, then it is clear that they are both unsuited for each other.

Commons sense also dictates that if the man or woman is more fluent financially then “Who Pays” has to be discussed from the beginning so neither party has any resentful feelings.

We live in a world where most people are trying desperately to modernize every aspect of life. While doing so, they only manage to create more chaos in the process. Dating requires each person laying down his/her expectations on the table from the beginning. Therefore there cannot be any miscommunication or crossed signals. The relationship is either the way it is perceived, or it isn’t. There are never any gray areas when it comes to love or lust.