For the first 15 minutes of my adult life, things were great. Primarily because I lived under the radar and no one really knew me. As I matured and my heritage became obvious, my life changed. People began to give me a hard way to go with EVERYTHING!
Initially, I would whimper and whine, and then I thought, “This is just craziness! I am not going to let them burst my bubbles!”
During other people’s obstacle courses, belittlement and clandestine tactics, I learned to give as good as I got. However, a funny thing occurred. It seemed as if most of my critics and aggressors were not able to take their own medicine.
I began hearing remarks like, “She used to be such a nice girl. Now, she is just pissed off most of the times.”
Some of the naysayers will make it seem as if I live in my own fantastical world, where it is just marvelous and carefree, and then I decide out of the blue, to have a tirade for no reasons at all. What they don’t know is, that there are some folks in my life who live and breathe to provoke me.
Some are strangers and the rest, family and friends. No matter how many times I draw a diagram of my nature, personality and desires they refuse to comply. They ignore what I need from them. My requests are treated with insignificance. So, I have to assume they really do not care what I want or need. They would much rather enjoy irritating me till no end.
Picture this scenario….It sort of like, working on a term paper which is due yesterday, and every two minutes someone interrupts you over petty matters that can be handled anytime.
It would make even Job in the bible want to snap. The only good thing that comes out of folks going out of their way to annoy me is the fact that I really have learned to master self control. Because if I went with every idea that cropped up in my mind, the white jackets would probably take me away.
With that said, most individuals only see my gruff exterior, but they have no clue regarding the events that lead up to that point. In Jamaica, when a person looks really vexed, folks would say, “Who chouble yu….?”
My answer to that question would be…”How much time do you have…?”
Yes. I used to be a nice, sweet, innocent, adorable person. But you know what? I got sick and tired of vermits ripping me off, vandalizing my belongings and trying to play me for a nincompoop. There is only so much any human being can take. At times, all the battling for my rights and entitlements make me feel like the SS Warboat or as if I have a dual personality.
Here’s why: I will go through a bunch of obstacles, such as,folks being unnecessarily difficult, then when I get together with my paramour I have to be this sweet, loving girlfriend effervescing with enthusiasm and joie de vivre. The truth is, I am usually feeling like a descendant of Attila the Hun.
In my world, the devilish people misconstrue my actions as being two-faced or fake. Most are happy to run and tell my mate, “Oh, she is not the person you think she is…She’s a BITCH du jour!”
The boys who are hell bent on impressing their friends and associates will not want me around because they feel my surly disposition will darken their debaucherous times. They know I am not going to stand for any foolishness or games, so the penny section have called for me to be BANISHED or EXILED from Camelot on numerous occasions.
In the past, it would really bother me, because BOYS will always believe the idle banter. As I grew wiser, I realized that REAL MEN actually like BITCHES, and they rarely put any credence into nonsensical criticisms. Any person of substance considers the source, their motives and will generally tell them. “Get thee hence!”
No one likes being badgered, provoked, nagged or irritated. If standing up for myself makes me an unloveable ogre, then so be it. The truth be told, no one can love me more than I love myself. In my book, it’s good riddance to any mate who cannot share my sentiments.
Fighting For My Life Memoir 