Thin Skinned

Have you ever been in a conversation or debate with anyone and they automatically drop the “D” bomb on you? What is the “D” bomb you may ask? The “D” bomb is when you are having an intense conversation and the person you are conversing with suddenly says, “Oh, don’t get defensive!”

In my earlier years, I would sit and let others lambaste me with this remark. However, as I got older, I realized it was nothing more than a ploy to shut me up or to discount my argument. Whenever you stand up for yourself decisively and emphatically, folks are going to label you either “militant” or “defensive”.

They will try to disguise their belittling of you as “constructive criticism”. In my estimation when people who are adults and intellectual equals,  have heated debates and conversations, they are really just exchanging ideas and expressions. No one should translate another persons emotive demeanor as being “defensive” or “combative”.

Throughout my life’s experiences I have often found people who take that stance to be controllers. They will try to seem as if they are helping you, but in the grand analysis you will find, they are really trying to help themselves, while they take control of you. Telling you that you are being “defensive” and “combative” is a way of “shutting down” your accomplishments and merits.

It’s almost as if they expect you to sit and listen to every critique they have about you, but, you dare not give a rebuttal. That is not a democracy. At that point your are in a dictatorship environment where others are seeking to “cow you down”.

I have been in situations where bosses were fine with my performance until they found out I did not stand for every and anything. When they realized I would not succumb to their shenanigans, they had all the criticisms a pen could write. When they rolled out their arguments,I usually found out it was petty, personal grievances…..Like, you need to be nicer, friendlier, more sociable etc.

Then, when you are, they say you are “too friendly”, “too sociable” and the list continues. Any intuitive person would know, at that point, it is all about sexual harassment. All the superficial reasons they may use to discredit your workmanship have nothing to do with work.

When you try to stand up for yourself, you are perceived as being rude, abrasive, combative and defensive. It all boils down to, you are a hard nut to crack. It is then, people will start throwing all sorts of negative adjectives at you. For years when they were trying to “prime” you for BS, you were just great!

When they realize they are barking up the wrong tree, suddenly you become Public Enemy #1 and they begin their hate fest against you. It is as if they expect you to sit there and let them pummel you into the ground with their negativity as if you were a spineless jelly fish….

I will be forever labeled “Thin Skinned” because I will not allow others to disrespect me or unfairly discredit all my endeavors without standing up for my rights as a human being.