In my youth most of my critics believed I frequented nightclubs or dined solo at cafes in order to pick up guys. I guess looking on, they thought since I took great pains in my dressing attire and make-up applications, I was on the prowl for a playmate.
The truth is, they were so way off base, it wasn’t even funny. Most of the times when I visited the notable clubs or dining establishments in New York City, it was girls’ night out. My friends and I would set aside at least one night per week where we had a nice meal together and then ventured out to listen to music and dance the night away.
On these dates, there were never any males in our party. It was strictly “hens” just looking to de-stress and have a good time. Our motto was generally like the army’s “We never leave anyone behind.”
Therefore, if any one of us did get a number from someone of the opposite sex, they would have to state their intentions rather rapidly. Because when the ladies decided it was “Go Time”, we all left together and saw each other home safely.
At no time at all did any of us ever venture off on our own for one night stands, etc. For me, going to a nightclub was never ever about “hooking up”. From the moment I was old enough to comprehend, my Granny dinned into my brain that if you met a mate on the dance floor that is exactly where you will lose him/her.
In her mind, she felt nothing good could ever come from relationships that were fostered over alcohol and strobe lights. A mate who is a constant fixture at a club will always have a million and one reasons to walk away from you….Simply because there are too many distractions.
It’s like an Angel going to hell and looking to be saved. So, with that said, my critics often wondered where I went to meet a potential mate. The truth is, I just showed up in life. My father taught me from an early age to surround myself with movers and shakers, as well as, to pursue intellectual activities which were beneficial for my growth.
So, I became a library, theater and museum groupie. Oddly, I never really met anyone by going to the theater or museums. The energy and knowledge acquired, tended to reel in individuals who appeared to be worthwhile.
My most meaningful relationships usually started as a result of me worshiping, attending lectures, or friendships developing a life of their own. In my life it was never a comforting idea to meet anyone at a social occasion.
It wasn’t that I did not have plenty of opportunities. I never felt relaxed enough because all eyes were either gaping, or tongues would be wagging. As I have mentioned before, there was a time when I was involved in many charitable organizations which held various fundraising soirees.
On the occasions when I did kick up my heels, it was often for very good causes. I was never raised just to have aimless fun. The fun experienced had to be with a purpose.
Furthermore, my biological father often emphasized to me that proper young ladies were not seen out and about by themselves beyond 10:00 p.m. at nights. Therefore, if I were not in the company of my girlfriends or working towards a professional goal, I would be home snoozing the nights away.
When I did venture out solo to a cafe for dessert or a quick meal it was because I was battling anorexia and hated to dine alone. Once I got home after my daily activities I would postpone having meals which would result in health woes.
Since I was accustomed to having sit down family dinners and company, which encouraged me to develop more of an impetus to nourish myself, I felt dining amidst the atmosphere of hustling and bustling of daily living would inspire my appetite. My number one goal was maintaining health and wellness, being Anorexia free, not connecting with a male figure.
We live in an era where no one truly knows where the lonely hearts go. Many indulge in cyber dating and get burned badly, whilst others rely on being fixed up on dates by friends.
The problem with friends playing matchmaker is, they seldom give their actions much thought, especially since they are not the ones who will be ultimately dealing with the person.
I feel that hearts are only lonely when they are missing something bigger than themselves or they are living shallow lives. If God is present in your life, you are never lonely. In the silence he hears your deepest, and darkest wishes and desires.
When God gets involved in your love life or is invited to partake in the process, he will only bring individuals who are for your highest good and who are nurturers of your growth and spirit.
Suddenly, the mates that irked your nerves or toyed with your mental health disappear clearing the way for more sincere individuals.
Fighting For My Life Memoir 