After Everything…..

 

It is said that when we go through tumultuous periods in our lives it is because we are being taught lessons which we refuse to learn. Sometimes the lessons which repeat themselves are as a result of our natures.

For me, I basically struggled with a gullible nature or as some would call it “blonde moments”. Intellectually I am aces, but when it comes to certain deceptive plots in life there are times when I am clueless.

For instance, one would think with all I have endured I would be quick on the uptake when it came to shenanigans, and for the most part my thinking has been revolutionized.

However, the other day, I realized I have to be even more swift with innuendos and situations which could lead me down the garden path. There are instances when things happen so subtly that you do not realize you are being baited.

Here is my story:

I was at an art opening and was  casually chatting with someone who happened to be a notable artist. It was a person I had known vaguely professionally and socially.

I was somewhat familiar with his work as a contemporary artist, however I did not know he had made a transition into nude painting. While in conversation, the individual nonchalantly suggested I should sit for a portrait and that he would love to paint me.

Immediately my ego kicked in and I was like, “Hmm…That’s awfully flattering…..” Then like a broken record my mind said , “REWIND”. Why?

Because I felt the offer was too good to be true. So I excused myself for a moment and went to the powder room. While there I googled his work on my smart phone and found out his specialty in paintings were nude photos and commissioned boudoir portraits. I suddenly began hyperventilating and went into  panic mode.

I ran out of the powder room in a frenzy as if I had heard my car alarm going off. At which point I was frenetic to find the artist I was speaking with. Why you may ask?

Because when the person blurted out their offer to paint me I reacted saying, “I’ll think about it…”

But, I knew there was nothing to think about. I was not interested in sitting for any portrait even though he suggested it would be a nice anniversary present for my beau.

I was in a panic looking for the artist in the sea of people at the event but I could not find him. I wanted to recant my “I’ll think about it” to an emphatic “No”.

After several minutes of futility I gave up looking for him. I hoped and prayed once he indulged in a few spirits he probably would not even remember me let alone our conversation.

I did my best to enjoy the remainder of the evening but I was still neurotic about the whole episode. I mentioned it to a friend of mine and she said, “Oh, a lot of women sit for those portraits….” And then she hesitated.

I prompted her by saying…”And what…?”

She paused…”Well, they usually end up in the wrong hands….”

I retorted in a witty manner, “My thoughts exactly! So many times women throw caution to the wind sitting for these portraits because they want to impress their partners or husbands and when love goes sour the paintings become fodder and the sentiment is lost in all the hatred and animosity.”

I am glad I had the chance to clarify my thoughts with my friend. However I was more anxious than ever to declare my stance regarding sitting for any portraits especially ones which included nudity or the suggestion thereof.

I left the affair in quite a haste. I needed to relieve my mind by leaving a voicemail message on the artist’s answering machine.

I am sure he probably got a chuckle from my whole neurotic episode. Nevertheless, clearing the air made me feel so much better.

Once I was feeling more tranquil I could not help think….”There you go again, saying maybe when you really mean you are not interested or that is not really your style…”

I then came to terms with the fact that I have to work on my quick answers when in an uncomfortable situation. I often admire folks who are able to do so with such finesse….

Me, when put on the spot I get stuck on the social butterfly circuit and go off on a tangent and then later wonder….”What was I thinking…?”