Beyond Help

There are some people in life that no matter how much you try to assist and help them they never appreciate it or they make you feel like it is never enough. It is as if they want you to live your life and their life but only as it pertains to working and earning money.

For example, I have a friend who I affectionately call Lollie. Lollie is often asking me to spot her a few dollars, and I often have to remind her that the life of an entrepreneur is unpredictable so I would much rather give her an ironclad business deal.

My deals are usually fun. They have earning potential and it is often some unique product which is a rare find. So, I would make Lollie many offers where I would basically conduct all the work and she would only have to be her charming self, providing minimal customer service tasks.

For her limited time, I would offer her a fair percentage considering all she would be doing is schmoozing. Nonetheless, I believe in the philosophy of the founder of Taoism, Lao Tzu who said, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for the whole day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

It was a small gesture, but I am sure it was one that would build self-esteem and foster a spirit of confidence. I deemed my first deal with her as a win-win situation. As I was trying to establish my wellness business I felt certain getting the right inventory and promotional team would help tremendously.

Initially, Lollie was psyched. At times she received her percentage as well as product. Then all of a sudden she called in sick. Her tummy was hurting. Then  the next excuse was she was feeling under the weather. Then finally she mustered up the nerve to tell me it was not conducive to her schedule.

I was upset since we had made a verbal agreement and shook on it. I was very flexible and willing to work around her schedule without any pressure. But, you cannot make people participate in any task they do not want to so I wished her well and continued my business and the daily grind.

A few weeks passed and I had not spoken to Lollie, and then out of the blue, she called asking me if I knew anyway she could make some extra money because she had some pressing bills.

I was hesitant because she had greatly inconvenienced my business matters before, but I thought perhaps it was just bad timing for her. So I pondered on the matter and thought she would be great at Fund Raising for my company.

Again, she urged me to order a ton of interesting products. She engaged in the activity for a few days and then decided to say Hasta La Vista. Leaving me in a lurch for the second time.

I thanked her for her assistance and vowed I would no longer acquiesce to her whims. As far as I was concerned it was a symbiotic relationship. I ran the business and she would promote it and get paid. Some people would say it was a sweet deal since I did all the mundane details.

Months passed and I worked feverishly to get new endeavors off the ground. I then made a decision to get into the wholesale side of the holistic business and since I had invested in products prior and I then wanted to branch out on a larger scale.

It had been several months since I had heard from Lollie. As luck would have it she called me regarding some pains he had been experiencing and I suggested a holistic remedy. She was so pleased with the outcome that she wanted to be an evangelist for the products.

She had convinced me that she was 100% onboard so I really bought into the fact she genuinely wanted to help. Some people would have gone forward on a trial basis without pay, but I am not the type to take advantage of people that way so I agreed to a decent percentage of the profits.

This time she stuck with the whole customer service angle for a few weeks and just when things were beginning to really take off she announced she was too tired to participate any longer.

Many people would have thought I was just a sucker for punishment, or that I am not a good business person. Au contraire, business for me means bringing people as I ascend the ladder. I am not the sort to rise and look down at the little people.

Although I may not yet be in the tax bracket where I can give money away freely or lend it generously, I will always find a way to help people help themselves. There are some folks who won’t even do that. They will know the way but they will never show it for fear of competition.

Truthfully, no one really wants anyone muscling in on their action because it is a petty, petty world out there!

So after three failed attempts at being able to get a satisfying deal going with Lollie, I soon came to terms with the fact that she was not interested in any business deals she would rather continue in the fashion she had grown accustomed to.

Several years passed and I had not heard from her and wondered how she had been getting on. I made a casual phone call to see how she was doing and in the course of the conversation she asked me what I was up to business wise and I explained I had a new venture on the horizon.

She laughed saying, “That’s what I like about you, you are always industrious and up to new and exciting things.”

This time around I was planning on coming out with my own line of holistic products as well as other aromatherapy items. It all sounded good to her and again she made an earnest bid to be a part of it.

I was resolute at this point about enlisting her help because any delays would terribly upset the dynamics of the venture and I would have to start all over if things went awry. Lollie said emphatically, “This time you can count on me! I give you my word.”

Before the venture was even scheduled to roll out it was just one excuse after the next with her. I just had to say, “Thanks, Lollie, but no thanks!”

Before I was so engrossed in the daily functions of my business endeavors that I could not even realize her game before it was unleashed. This time around I had a frame of reference regarding her ambivalence.

As soon as I saw the signs, I knew it was going to be the same old story once again and it was not worth losing a friendship over or getting into an argument about. I just found all the events interesting because I wondered where on the planet can anyone get by with 1001 excuses in a professional arena?

The bosses I encountered over the years would have my P45 waiting on the second day of work at the first sign of wavering enthusiasm. I just found it difficult to understand people with a laissez-faire attitude when it comes to working.

From the time I was nine years old I had a part-time job and worked consistently while going to school. Even on summer holidays, I got a few days to unwind and then it was work as usual.

When I was not working for a corporation, I was working for myself in many business forums such as babysitting, personal shopping, managing talent, writing and more recently conducting naturopathic consultations.

Yet it is strange, for those of us who hustle life seems to be twice as hard whilst those who much prefer to have life handed to them on a silver platter seem to whiz through life in flying colors.

It makes you think at times that life is not fair but that is part of the lesson you learn as a  grown up. I have been working professionally and academically more than half my life and even on the days when I am bone tired I do not have the option to be tepid about my endeavors. I put on a happy face and tell myself this is the day I will get my big breakthrough!

There just comes a time in everyone’s life when he/she realizes you cannot save everyone. When I am not feeling drained or engrossed in my own affairs I am happy to mentor people and give them ways to help themselves, but I also know they will exercise free will and do whatever they please in the end.

During the course of my career, I have met many Lollies, some took my counsel and ran with it and made names for themselves. Others not so much. There was one woman in particular who had gone through difficult times and was hired in my department although she had no experience.

I tried my best not to give her pressing or complicated work as well as I warned her about some of the idiosyncrasies the executives frowned upon such as preening and hanging out with the coffee clutch.

She refused to take my advice and as much as I tried to have her back there came a time when an executive decision had to be made and there was nothing I could do for her.

In my day I had a few mentors and I could never get enough of their teachings. I listened intently, took notes, tweaked it to fit my needs and moved forward confidently. Interestingly enough, they gave me a break and the rest was up to me.

Each and every day I become aware how selective I have to be with my time because there are people who will want to waste it for no earthly reason except to irritate my nerves.

When you are trying to build something for yourself, you realize every moment matters and only those who can share your enthusiasm or willing to go the long haul with you qualify to take away from those precious hours. Everything else is just absurd.