When A Child Becomes Undone

When married couples have their fights and disagreements no one seldom stops to think about the effect their brouhahas have on the their child or children.

When my biological parents’ marriage began to experience a rapid decline no one could have forecasted what was coming down the pike. For me, in one disagreement during the night it was all over.

What I find most interesting is that adults never speak of the emotional upheaval and trauma the children experience as a result of adults’ aberrations.

It’s funny how things can come back to you as clear as  day and the details you remember.  I distinctly remember the day after my biological mother had her “showdown” and my biological father handed me over to my aunt.

The next morning I was up bright and early for kindergarten. When I awoke I felt as if I had a hangover. At that age you really don’t know anything about drinking but you know the emptiness you feel cannot be good.

I was undergoing an emotional hangover, yet I smiled like everything was A-Okay. My biological mother usually combed my hair and placed delicate ribbons in there. On this morning, the helper in my aunt’s household would complete the task, but with each brush and comb I felt awkward and reality began to set in.

She tied my bows loosely and somehow my hair felt wild and out of control. I remember it was raining, and I had to schlep my raincoat and golashes and to top it all off I had a spelling test.

Although it was kindergarten they took the tests seriously and normally I would not be worried because vocabulary was one of my favorite subjects but on this day my little life felt like such a mess and nothing was under control.

My jungle book lunch pail did not have my usual snacks, my school uniform was

creased up from the rain and on this day my father did not take me to school like he always did.

As I sat at my desk, at only 31/2 years old I remembered thinking, “This is going to be a doozy of a day.”

I did not feel prepared for my spelling test but I felt confident I could get a hundred.

My kindergarten teacher immediately sensed something was wrong with me because the sparkle from my eyes had disappeared and I seemed to be preoccupied with other thoughts.

As I sat taking my spelling test I kept replaying the events of the previous evening and suddenly my attention span got caught up elsewhere. On this day I would not get a hundred but a 85%.

At which point my teachers felt it was necessary to have a conference because it was a first for me. So, while everyone else enjoyed recess I had to explain to my teachers why I did not ace my test and the reason I was in a gloomy mood.

There are just some things you never forget as old as you become. For me, it would be the spelling test, my yellow rain coat and the bow which was loosely tied in my hair.