I view etiquette as a code of behavior or a way in which things are done. I also know that manners are also subject to one’s upbringing, culture, social class or status in life.
I very rarely will deem someone uncouth or lacking manners unless they have rambunctiously outdone themselves to a point where I cannot find an excuse for them. It is not in my personality to pick people apart unnecessarily.
Although I am aware the world today is full of people who have something to say about everybody’s actions except their own.
I view people as being “mannersable” by the way they approach a person. If they tread lightly or quietly into someone’s life then you know this is a person of substance and they are not interested in aggressively shifting the paradigm of that person’s life unless he/she has given them permission to do so.
I also know that individuals who enter into other’s homes and seek to change every aspect all at once, and at times overexerting themselves and personalities without regard for all the occupants are lacking in manners.
It is called disrespecting other’s personal space. Although one family member may give their blessing it does not resonate the sentiments of all members of the household.
When anyone goes against this principle I deem him or her as being improperly trained with a bad upbringing and I will endorse the fact they have no manners whatsoever.
For me, when dining and people are talking with food in their mouth and making unnecessary noises or holding dinner wear in unusual formats or nonchalantly, I view that as not having good social graces and manners.
Where I come from it is also customary to offer food to people when they visit your home and you are in the midst of dining. If the person declines the onus is on them but never let it be said they were not thought of.
Talking incoherently while laughing and joking as if one is trying to enlist votes for cuteness is not cute at all and shows poor breeding and bad manners.
Also, if you make a mess, clean it up even if you have a maid he/she is not there to cater to your every whim or mental aberration.
I am the sort who appreciates when people say thank you for acts of kindness and generosity. I myself, make it a habit to send thank you notes for even the smallest efforts showed to me by anyone.
I find it repulsive when others believe kindness and generosity is owed and due to them and they do not even have the presence of mind to be grateful. “Please” is a word I use often and if someone tells me “Thank You”, I generally reply, “You are welcome”. Meaning it was no bother and I am happy to help so long as they are appreciative of my efforts.
I was also raised to say hello and greet people when I visited anywhere. However, if I engage in greetings for a period of time and it is not reciprocated then common sense dictates I no longer have to acknowledge the person or persons I am hailing because they have disrespected me…So if I never acknowledge folks or may disregard their greeting it is because they have offended me on more than one occasion and that is not cool at all.
If I am invited to someone’s home or a social event I always bring a small token of my appreciation for the host or hostess and I never leave without thanking them for the invitation or saying “Adieu”.
Etiquette also dictates when you are sending invitations or greeting cards to address them appropriately. If the children of the household are grown they should be sent their own invitations and greeting cards not lumped up with their parents.
If it is a matter of being frugal then they should call and ask the parties if it is alright to do so. The only other time it is acceptable to include grown children with parents as far as invites and cards are concerned is if they are immediate family.
Whilst going to charm school I was also taught when directly engaged with eye contact especially when it came to males, the women should let them be the first to speak. Otherwise you would be viewed as a tart du jour.
The reason why I am going into such specifics regarding situations which require manners is because over the years my adoptive mother and some other self serving individuals have tried to sully my name by exclaiming I have none.
I was partly tutored by a Granny who had a aunt who ran one of Jamaica’s renowned finishing schools for debutantes from around the world. So, I know plenty about social graces. If at some point in time I appear lacking in manners one has to ask his or herself what they did to me to make me overlook etiquette.
All of my known ideas of manners have been blatantly violated by my adoptive mother’s family. Primarily her niece and grandniece. Yet, once again I am being made to look as if I hailed from a barn out of Moko, Jamaica.
Finally, I never take anything for granted. Life has taught me that people do not have to be nice and accommodating therefore even when you hold your own ideals of how things should be, it is always a good rule of thumb to be appreciative of their sacrifices and efforts no matter how small or trivial they may seem.
Nothing is ever a given and most gifts we receive in life whether acts of kindness, jobs, or opportunities they should be viewed as blessings from folks who actually give a hoot.
Fighting For My Life Memoir 