Cameo Dads

Children who have fathers in the military are able to relate to my phrase “cameo dad” because for many of them that is what it feels like when their fathers are thousandths of miles away yet they parent them via telephone or skype.

My life circumstances were always a tad odd since although I was adopted, my biological parents still had influence in my life. Therefore, I had the constant physical appearance of my adoptive father, and his occasional counseling, while my biological father still governed my values, motivation and steps in life.

When it came to parents I often had a dual personality because I had to alter my emotions according to the parents I was dealing with. At some intervals, I began seriously questioning my biological father’s love for me.

It is strange how as adults we seldom question if our love interests love us or not. We may develop a sense of the magnitude of their commitment by their actions. However when it comes to our parents we just assume they love us. If we really ponder about the whole love thing it makes us truly wonder if it is us they love, or just the idea of having children which are mini-versions of themselves.

For many years I grappled with my thoughts regarding this subject as it related to both sets of parents…My reflections began to remind me of “Winnie The Pooh”. Piglet often asked Winnie, “How do you know when someone loves you?” and Winnie would answer, “You just feel it.”

It took me most of my life to grasp this concept. It is never the outright, “I love yous” which actually solidify how someone feels about you. Most of the times it is the sacrifices and actions they take which speaks boldly and clearly.

For instance, stories which were told to me by my granny and biological mother detailing the great pains my biological father took selecting my toddler furniture was just astounding to me. Because let’s face it, men rarely get involved in such mundane matters as selecting household items.

He really did not busy himself with the furnishings of any other part of the house but he made sure that every single piece of furniture and accoutrement  was hand selected by him for my nursery and toddler playroom.

As a little girl, I remembered what a nice nursery it was, and I also noted he left his firearm in the vault there so he could visit with me in the morning before work and the last thing at night after returning from his military duties.

Even though I was a toddler I remember casually thinking, “Oh what nice people, they  smile, play and visit with me and try to make me comfortable…” That was before I could associate with the fact they were my parents. You never understand the monumental meaning behind all of it until you mature and become wiser.

I have endured a strange life in the sense that much of the parenting I received was done from great distances. To me it was never watered down and it had the same effect as if I were in my parents’ presence.

The cameo appearances were always appreciated but there were days when I truly felt as if my life was one big scientific experiment and would much have preferred one on one contact. But, then I find comfort in knowing that offsprings of military personnel live with distant parenting almost every day of their lives and like me, that is normal for them.