I spend most of my days in awe because never ever have I come up against a society where one person was under attack all the time. Every move I make, action I take, or remark I may spew is often scrutinized and taken out of context.
Even my most private moments are analyzed and criticized. It is as if some of these critics believe just because they have been lucky enough to carve out a tried and true path for themselves they have a right to get “jalapeno” in my life or be judgmental.
Many times folks assume the worst of me because of the brief interludes they are exposed to. For instance, in my moments of frustration when I am chuntering a few choice Jamaican bad words.
When I had not made the decision to become an advocate of spiritualism everyone thought I was just a cussing heathen. Now I have made the decision to indulge in divine knowledge and wisdom I am often looked at in a skeptical manner whenever I set people straight.
It seems when people hear you are a representative of G-d they expect you to break out in song or holiness whenever they slight you or do some act which is not quite kosher.
For me being a representative of G-d does not stop my authentic show any. In fact, I find it more prudent to be more myself when I am not treated properly or disrespected. I know that God appreciates a person who keeps it real by telling it like it is than a person who smiles and acts one way but beneath the scenes turns out to be a diabolical snake. That my friends is the epitome of a hypocrite!
So, I carry on and act as obtuse as the situation calls for until I am understood or amends are made. The most religious individuals I know will tell you the deal straight up without any chasers and you better be thick skinned to receive the knowledge.
The ones who are sugar coating things for you are secretly operating on a hidden agenda and willfully trying to deceive you. Due to my seemingly irreverend stance the naysayers believe I do not have an ounce of reverence in my body. They assume I never pray to give thanks when consuming a meal, they think I just get up everyday and don’t give God his glory, and they believe I do not have a clue on how to say prayers at night.
The bible tells us it is not the people who get up on the pulpit or take center stage who are the true worshippers. Many times it is the man or woman who praises God at every moment of the day in quiet solitude.
I am such a person. I praise God almost on an hourly basis when I think of some impossible situation or a bewildering matter. When I go out and return home I praise God because we are living in times where nothing can be taken for granted.
But, unlike most people I do not make a big production. I praise him in song, or chant a special prayer or I just talk to him as if I were talking to any human being on earth.
The folks who believe I do not pray at night are just reaching too far into my personal life. However, to settle their curiosities I will say this. When I was about 5 years old my aunt taught me the humblest prayer and even as a grown-up I still say it every night along with my pets. It goes like this…”Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”
On that note I will bid you all adieu, reminding you to pray daily. Your prayers do not have to be fancy or full of buzz words. Sometimes just meditating with God in mind, he tells you what you need to hear and he works on your situation regardless.
I usually find folks who are critical of others and worried whether or not they are living up to certain standards are the biggest sinners this side of the Western Hemisphere.
Fighting For My Life Memoir 