You. Don’t. Know. Me.

Once you step out on a limb and decide to put your truth out there every person with a gripe or whom you made acquaintance with believes they “know” you. For me, I can honestly say, no one “knows” me.  Let me explain.

Over the years I have accumulated frenemies, pseudo-love relationships and associates who may have become acquainted with a version of me, but in my book that does not constitute  knowing me.

I spent many years of my life estranged from my core family members and friends so although they may have an idea of who I am I cannot say they “know” me in the traditional sense of the word.

Quite frankly, they wanted it that way as no one ever came to find me in my deepest, darkest, hours, so no one gets to use the “knowing me” card randomly in my book.

In my life, I have never felt comfortable enough divulging certain aspects of my persona simply because I never met  anyone who seemed trustworthy enough. Therefore, my haters may have been on specific intervals of my journey and they may be privy to parts I wanted them to experience but make no mistake, I would never consider them “paisans” or an authority on me and my life.

I am well aware since I have taken the leap into blogging and becoming a public figure all the hypocrites are crawling out of the woodwork exclaiming “they know me”. It is their paltry attempt at putting their twisted spin on my life.

The truth is many were people I helped while going through my drama and they were just upstarts who I gave a boost to on the ladder of success.

Sadly, once they reached the top they kicked me down the ladder, and once I had fallen they ran away with the ladder to make sure I could not ascend. So, the people who claim they “knew” me in my teens, twenties and even thirties only know a fragmented version of me.

Back then, I was  too docile to let the real me shine because I believed I needed their approval or friendship to feel whole.

I put up with a lot of shite for way too long just because I was in a strange land and I had some emotionally debilitating family issues. As I reminisce, all those persons who claim they “know” me were just part of my supporting cast in my life; there to better themselves at my expense.

I determine who knows me, and to what level he/she gets to know me. My personality is of such that if for one second I sense insincerity in anyone, they will only get a watered- down, abbreviated version of me.

So while I may appear to be “yucking” it up with them and they may seem to be getting a front-row seat into my life, truthfully, I am only allowing them to view personally selected scenes.

As I review all the individuals I have made acquaintance with over the years, and even selected family members, I cannot say they “know” me nor I them. I have found most wanted “something” from me and when they did not get it they turned into sourpusses.

The ones who managed to deceive me and benefitted through “knowing” me took great pleasure in using me for their benefit and wanted to make sure I never achieved great success. Every chance they got they tried to bury me with their lies and defamation of character.

The truth be told, there are days when I do not even “know” me because I am constantly evolving. During each passage of life I encounter, I realize it is prudent for me to display different versions of myself for my protection.

My experience with deceptive and opportunistic individuals have built a wall so high around my true personality and emotions that I never felt comfortable enough just being me with anyone.

Therefore, to all the people who are publicizing they “know me”. Let’s just say, you may have a notion of who you think I am or believe you know who I am, but trust me, this version of me, you have never met in your life!