The Indiscretions of My Youth

 

In every well-established family, parents want to know their daughters map out good lives for themselves. Part of creating a good life entails cultivating a solid career path and choosing a stable and sound mate.

From the time I was a teenager I knew I was different than the rest of my cousins. They would easily find themselves mates to settle with while I required a special sort to contend with me.

Therefore, my biological father would urge me to marry someone older, stable and reliable. While in my maternal biological family, I was told to be with a good provider and someone dependable.

To me, it translated to, date old geysers and if you are lucky you may end up with one that is rich as creases. I was never attracted to men my age. If for some reason I did date within my age group they were old souls.

They may have looked young on the outside but their ways and mannerisms far exceeded the modern generation. As time passed, I noticed I attracted older men naturally.

The relationships were not riddled with the theatrics and mega doses of drama that younger men brought. You knew where you stood in the relationship at all times and it just flowed effortlessly.

The only problem with dating a person older than you is the fact that initially you may not be attracted to him physically. My May-December relationships were appealing because I could speak my mind and I would be appreciated for having independent thoughts and ideas.

It was refreshing and enough to build a solid, respectful relationship. It is strange how people give little credit to listening and understanding because it works. My relationship would thrive on mutual respect and genuine care but I was naïve to think a relationship without physical closeness could last forever.

Although I would put my cards on the table in the very beginning, declaring that I did not want to get intimate and that I was seeing other people, whomever I was dating acted as if he understood but secretly it was a major problem.

I later found out obsession would set in and control would follow soon after. Circumstances would be created to render me helpless where the person could have complete control of my comings and goings and who I saw in the process.

I became aware that some May-December relationships were not all they were cracked up to be because if you acted naive and docile you become an object of possession.

One particular relationship appeared to be calm and soothing on the surface but beneath the layers there was so much plotting going on. If my whereabouts were not accounted for, he would drink and become besotted with such monstrous ideas to cause me harm.

At one point, he would have preferred if I was physically incapacitated where he had absolute control in whatever manner he wanted. To me, that did not spell love or like. It suggested a sick, sadistic sort of realtionship that I could not comprehend and therefore I ran shrieking.

Maturity taught me that no matter how nice someone is of the opposite sex, and declares he only wants companionship and friendship, even if you feel you could tolerate such a relationship you should walk away.

Why? Because the matter-of-fact thoughts the person spews is only the dangling of candy to lure you in. Once in his clutches, at some point he is going to want more.

If you know within your heart and conscience you cannot give it, then it is best to bid the person adieu. It is only going to turn into a hateful scenario. Some folks believe young women enter into relationships with older men to get or take but that is not always the situation, at least not in my life.

Even when the May-December relationship is filled with reciprocity other issues lurk. In my world, it takes a long time for me to warm up to someone especially if they are older. I am aware they have more knowledge than I do so I proceed with caution.

They will never let on, but every action or move is being studied and judged to find your strengths and weaknesses. The person you are involved with will use it for his advantage or your disadvantage.

Therefore, it is best to tread very carefully. Experience has taught me solid and stable people come in all forms so the old geyser concept may just be a fable.