I believe that when couples adopt a child, they should make sure that the child feels well-adjusted and welcome. Before adopting they should also have a general idea of how they want their child to be.
For instance, looks, ethnicity, intelligence, and personality. Although in the grand scheme of life none of these things should matter. But, in this shallow world of ours, all these variables matter especially if your family is affluent.
As I have stated many times before my adoption was not handled properly within the family from the beginning. Whether it was since I was already related, I felt that I needed that extra reassurance to feel as if I had gained authentic parents.
The negligent actions on the part of my adoptive parents caused me to doubt my place within my family and set me up for many misadventures. Over the years, I have heard stories that they both feel the adoption was a mistake and that my adoptive mother’s family wants to get their hands on my adoption decree to shred it to bits.
Nonetheless, things are the way they are and I have decided to forego my adoptive name because my adoptive mother’s family uses that name and I am not sure if it was rightfully given to them.
Therefore, I feel it is only fair I have access to my adoptive mother’s maiden name since they have made a mockery out of the “BROWN” name. So, I have decided to add my Asian surname that no one else uses except for my adoptive grandfather’s family.
Although I am grown, I am at a pivotal point in my life where I need a kick-ass mother. All my life I was being told I cannot win with my adoptive mother because of race and class, yet I am not winning either with my biological mother or step-mother who has Caucasian genes.
All I know is that I engaged in the DIY Club my entire life as far as rearing goes. Perhaps if I had not, things would have unfolded for me in a much more acceptable traditional manner.
It is no secret that Minnie, (the adoptive mother) and I have not gotten along due to her ability to be controlling and domineering. As a Scorpion child, I needed less handling and more gentle communications and that is the main reason for our discord.
I have been told over the years that my adoptive mother refuses to accept me as her own and that is why my biological family insists on me calling her aunt.
Yet, in the eyes of the law, I am bound to my adoptive parents because of legal papers signed back in 1974. Therefore, legally they are my parents.
These past few years have been about me giving every female family member that had a hand in my rearing a chance to prove themselves worthy of being my parent and sadly all have fallen short.
Simply because they are not willing to look past their preconceived notions of how they expected their child to be. I am at a crossroads where I have to determine who can fill the big shoes.
I have been reluctant to select anyone but have decided with the status quo or with the paperwork that is in place for now. The Republic of Lena may not be thrilled but they were not exactly a great support system for me from the beginning when I was getting tossed around like a salad.
At this point, I do not care if my mother is a warlord or drug lord from Kinshasa or Mogadishu, I can no longer continue to remain in Limbo with the games that are being played out at my expense.
The way I feel is simply that adults should have “adulted” when they were supposed to. If at any time they felt they made an error in judgment they should have spoken up or forever held their peace.
So far they all have been hiding behind being wishy-washy. Sometimes being parental, sometimes being aunt and uncle. It is clear to see how I have been confused about my adoption status my entire life.
I no longer choose to be confused about anything especially when it comes to my immediate family. For now, I am exploring an option that I have been ambivalent about embracing.
Part of my ambivalence had to do with “hearsay” and we all know “hearsay” paved the way to many misunderstandings. I am one who likes to prove theories and currently I am caught up in a scientific experiment. I will let you all know how it goes…
I have it on good authority that my adoptive mothers family believe that I am not worthy enough to use my adoptive mother’s Asian last name. The thing is they have made many faux pas and still went forward using the “BROWN” name. I have never participated in any act I am ashamed of, I have never done or sold drugs so in my estimate the name is fair game since they have declared access to my biological family name.
If they want, they do not have to acknowledge we are from the same branch of the name. There are many people in the world that use that name as well. I would be the weirder version of the name.
Fighting For My Life Memoir 