Games My Father Plays

Where do I begin to emote about a biological father who made his presence known by cameo appearances and random phone calls? I will start off by saying that my father was motivated to connect with me through mere curiosity.

I suspect that he must have thought I was as gullible and forgiving as my mother. Or easily fooled by persons who pretend. Because judging by the way my sisters act towards me there are not a lot of warm, fuzzy feelings being dispersed my way.

All I know is he created people who would much rather commiserate with my enemies than try to be good, decent human beings. The funny thing about pretense is that we oftentimes believe it is true. Like viewers of soap operas, we are ambivalent to accept the true story behind the spun story.

Over the years I have heard so much that my sisters have said about me through the grapevine. Things such as they nor my father do not accept me, and I am the one constantly chasing him down. I know that I did not create the unfolding of the past 35 years or so by myself. Their gaslighting is transparent and obvious and one day it will catch up to them.

It is the same old tragic story that emphasizes that once people reach where they are going, they take great pleasure in showing their arses.

Now, my youngest half-sister got married a few weeks ago, for the past year all I could hear about were these impending nuptials. The wedding took place almost a month ago and each and every time I phone my dad he goes on and on about the wedding exclaiming he is going to send photos via What’s App but he never does.

When I inform him that I did not receive the photos he has a major meltdown, then he starts carrying on that I must have done something wrong why I can’t get the photos. He basically begins to use the picture episode as a way of telling me about myself when I have done nothing to earn this type of wrath and criticism.

I usually sit there and take his lambasting and then I realize that he is the one who is wrong! First of all, What’s App is a platform that once contacts are added and they want to send you anything you have to accept the request on the other side.

Therefore, him trying to act as if I am a nincompoop is way off base because it is “something” he is not doing on his end that caused me not to receive the wedding photos. If you all have been keeping up with my blog a few years ago I wrote about my dad and I connecting on What’s App. Our connection lasted only a few days. When I called him one day to ask him questions about my adoption, he quickly dissolved the connection on the App as if I were a complete stranger.

On our recent phone call, he droned on and on saying, “I don’t know about you because you are mysterious and strange, calling me from cryptic numbers…and so on and so on.” By this time, I was mortified because I could not believe he was using my sister’s wedding photos to dress me down.

I have telephoned him from the same cell phone for years, so I am not sure what his gripe was with me. Or was he just trying to take pot shots at me and using my sister’s photos to make much ado about nothing?

In retrospect I should not even care because my sisters have never showed me one iota of love and kindness once they passed puberty. No matter how heinous they act he continues to pour money into their “trumped up” lifestyles and then act as if I am the lost child.

My sisters do nothing but find rouses to absorb his money. It just so happens that they are using marriages to do it. The purpose is to completely “X” me out of the equation. I am a private person, yet my life is not one of secrecy and games.

My sister’s lives are shrouded in secrecy and by the way they have chosen to be non-inclusive has told me a lot about them. They know I do not miss a beat and so having me around will certainly put the Luminol on their shenanigans.

However, they can’t prevent people from talking and they are emoting loud and proud. I have lived upright and standing where it counts. To be honest, I am the one who should be leery about my sisters because the world globe is yapping and it ain’t flattering what they are saying. My biological dad prides himself on being Mr. Principles and Morals and if there is any situation that will give him away and cause drama…It is his two daughters.

They have knocked heads with rogues and vagabonds and are trying to strong arm their way through life. Here it is I am being decent by wishing my sister well, a virtue both my sisters are unfamiliar with. Each chance they get they try to make me feel as if I am an oddment in my father’s life when it is they who come after me.

I do not care how many donkey years he has been married since he dashed out on my mother. I am still his first born and he should try to treat me with some respect and dignity instead of playing games with my feelings and emotions.

As much as I hate to admit it, my sisters do not care about him. They talk about him like a dog. He could be a wallet for all they are concerned. Yet they try to make the world believe that I want “something” from him. They are the ones cleaning up financially night and day. If after almost 40 years of expensive phone calls he still believes their ridiculous arguments, he is naiver than I thought.

How many marriages do they have to wreck, or how many houses do they have to abscond from before he realizes that it is they who are the bad bargains? Many folks in the Central American diaspora think he is throwing good money after bad money as it pertains to them. Yet he is not talking about that or pondering his blunders.

Now that he and my sisters are in good graces, I am the whipping board he chooses to annihilate. The fest of good vibrations will soon be over, and he will be right back seeing the monsters that are lurking within.

They all talk about me exclaiming I don’t have this or that and think they are better than I am. What I know about my culture is that although we make a life for ourselves our parents are the ones who give us the solid foundation to build on.

All I know is I have parents who squander money like it is going out of style on others who do not value it. Meanwhile I am receiving the crumbs that are falling off the table and that in itself is one of the saddest stories. Since I am the only one who genuinely gives a damn.

While he is making a “hullaballoo” about the “golden” wedding pictures my life is disintegrating. Yet I smile through it all trying to be the better person. I am exhausted and overwhelmed from taking the high road all the time. I matter and at some point, in time, all these folks who are giving me a horrifying experience will have to realize that they are being jerks, plain and simple.

The bottom line is while I have shared care and concern for my sisters, and opening up my life to them, all they did was take notes and report back to daddy central with the hopes they can extort enough money to live happily ever after with their musical spouses and cohorts.

My sisters have done and said just about everything to keep my father in check including accusing him of incest which is a blatant lie. There were so many years in my life when my biological mother was “out to lunch” and he had the motive and wherewithal to take advantage of the situation and he did not.

What I find interesting is that my sisters and Minnie’s nieces have the same modus operandi, where each accused one or more of their guardians of sexual exploitation. The only thing they have in common is going to the same University. I seriously wonder if those are the tactics, they are grooming students for these days in school. I guess it is all part of the “How to succeed in business without trying” regime they are relying on to get by in this world.

Minnie’s niece has accused her stepfather of incest. Her daughter has accused Mickey (my adoptive father) of the same. They are making out like bandits, and oddly my father is going through the same drama…Coincidence? I think not.